Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Maybe it's (very well formatted) spam?

Negativity 101

So today I received the following email:

Sent: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 10:07 AM
Subject: Benefits Consultant Position

Hello Michael,

My name is (Name Withheld), and I am the Marketing Director for (Company Name Withheld) in Western PA. I came across your resume online, and I'd like to talk with you about some job openings within our company. I would also like to learn more about your professional experience and future goals. Whether you are actively employed or still looking, I'm confident there is a position within our organization for someone with your skill set.

The current changes in the healthcare marketplace in America have created tremendous opportunities for (Company Name Withheld). We are seeking individuals who are self-motivated, goal-oriented, and who have a desire to be part of a successful team with a great culture.

Although a career with (Company Name Withheld) may not be something you've considered before, we have had great success with candidates like yourself. We would welcome the opportunity to educate you on a career with (Company Name Withheld). Do not be deterred from applying if you do not have substantial marketing experience. Our associates hold a wide variety of degrees and experience, from Education and Finance to the Military and the Restaurant industry. Regardless of your particular field or expertise, a strong work ethic and desire to succeed are most important to (Company Name Withheld).

We will be conducting interviews in the next week. If you would like to discuss this opportunity further simply (Link) OR copy and paste this (Other Link) to apply today by submitting your updated resume.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Best regards,
(Name Withheld)
Marketing Director

Now, at first it seems like spam, but it was so well written and designed to prey on my ego that I felt it deserved a response.

Hello Mr. (Name Withheld):

It was great to hear from you!

I don't want to seem too forward, but there seems to be some sort of mistake in your e-mail. The link for the job you're posting is to a "Benefits Consultant," which I take to mean is a liaison between management and businesses interested in purchasing group insurance (or perhaps individuals, I'm not sure). I don't know what led you to think that I am qualified for this position, as I have never worked in sales and my (few) customer service jobs have been dismal failures because of my aloof disposition and my shy personality. I mean, I could be wrong about the job, but that's what my Google search turned up.

I'm curious why you would think that someone with professional experience almost exclusive to graphic design, technical manuals, and video production is a good fit for such a position, because as near as I can tell there is virtually no correlation between the two. Don't get me wrong: I like what I do, and I have little interest in switching gears to focus on work that I have no affinity for or interest in, so I would love to hear how this job that you want me to interview for is connected!

Please, let me know how my video editing skills and knowledge of various graphic design software suites can help your company. Is "Benefits Consultant" a code-word for Graphic Designer or Technical Writer? Because that seems exciting. I am including a copy of my resume so that you can peruse it and let me know how my skill set somehow translates to this job so that I can prepare for the actual application process.

Thank you for thinking of me,
Michael R. Adams

Yes, it is exactly this kind of poor attitude and smart-assery that gets me in trouble at the jobs I do work (and probably a reason I have so few friends), but I've been making an honest effort to be straightforward with employers about what I'm looking for, and instead of genuine interest I am treated to a near constant barrage of temp agencies and corporate headhunters desperate to fill some sort of random quota because all of their dejected and miserable customer service reps keep quitting out of (I assume) frustration.

You have to have certain disposition in order to do these sort of jobs, and while I have done these jobs in the past, I simply don't have the disposition for it, and as I get older I find that I have far less interest in selling myself out for these positions. I know what I'm good at, I know the kinds of things I want to do, all I want is a chance to do it.

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